A Song that Saved my Life: The Rain King by Counting Crows

 

A Song that Saved my Life: The Rain King by Counting Crows

 

By the mid-1990s, I was unhappy and depressed. I bounced around a bit from one job to another. 

 

I was definitely good at my work. Maybe that’s even an understatement... I was pretty damn good at it. 

 

I never took up advertising in school but I took to it like a fish to water. I didn’t know anything about the music industry, but as a music lover, I came in with a different mindset and did even better.

 

However, here’s the thing… wherever I went, it was always the owner telling me, “if you have one-third of your dad’s talent or your mom’s, you will be an asset to the company.”

 

So what was I – chopped liver? Aa a result, I had this chip on my shoulder. Eager to prove myself and yet, frighteningly quick to anger.

 

And my temper always got the better of me. It got me even into trouble. Furthermore, I would constantly tempt fate; something that continued even when I turned my life around (even if only to show people that I am a genius). 

 

While I am proud of what my parents’ achieved, I felt like a prisoner. Always compared. Even worse, my dad would pick me up when I fell. And that became an annoying habit during those years.

 

One time, Counting Crows’ “Rain King” came on the radio and while I knew of their previous single, “Mr. Jones” and liked the band, I didn’t have a copy of their album. I contented myself to seeing them on MTV and hearing them on the radio. 

 

That is until I heard “Rain King.”

 

“Rain King” resonated with me from the moment I heard it and I bought the compact disc as soon as I could (I still have my original CD and the vinyl to this day). 

 

The album, I must say, remains a solid favorite to this day. It is one of a handful of albums that I play at least once a month. The songs and words I know by heart. 

 

Can you imagine watching the band live (in New York) and singing along to every song? They were never more alive.

 

But when I first heard it… it sparked something more than just poignant and bittersweet lyrics and the pained singing of vocalist Adam Duritz. 

 

This song gave me another lease on life. A different perspective.

 

The song “Rain King” is about fighting off your fears and taking that first step. In doing so, it’s finding salvation and freeing one’s self from loneliness.

 

I recall when I heard the second stanza of the song:

“I said mama, mama, mama 

Why am I so alone? 

I can't go outside, I'm scared, I might not make it home.

But I'm alive, I’m alive, but I'm sinking in.”

 

When Duritz sings “I’m alive, “I’m alive” it’s a mixture of pain and relief. And it still gets me every. Single. Time. And I play that part over and over. 

 

My first time abroad on a business trip, I was alone. My boss sent me by my lonesome. He didn’t ask anyone to go with me. “Go and present your marketing plan,” he said. “You can do it.” 

 

And so I ventured forth and I was so deathly afraid. 

 

No mom. No dad. No siblings or cousins. No boss. Just me. 

 

My presentation of our marketing plan to our European clients was a smashing success. Furthermore, I survived. I got home safely even though there was a scare in the airport where this gentleman had his clutch bag stolen (it contained his passport, ticket, and money). 

 

Even better, I got pirated so there I was going abroad once more. By myself.

 

Going abroad to work was perhaps the best thing to happen to me. I had no one to depend on but myself. It forced me to grow up real quick. It forced me to be fully aware and attuned to my surroundings. It made me even more observant and respectful of other people – let’s face it, I wasn’t home. And it forced me to be finally be responsible and to get a grip on many things. My temper included.

 

And that forever changed my life in a way I never imagined.

 

Now that is getting ahead of myself. 

 

There were many more struggles before I understood how to really pick myself up from the ground. Eventually, it became second nature to pick myself up. 

 

Unlike before where I would sulk and lose myself in long bouts with depression, this time, I allowed myself a moment – only a moment -- to grieve then get off my butt and move forward.

 

Taking that first step was crucial. In fact, that has been like a creed for me ever since – “You’ll never know what you’re capable of until you take that first step.” 

 

When Adam sings:

“I think of flying down into a sea of pens and feathers 
And all other instruments of faith and sex and God 
In the belly of a black-winged bird.”

I think of taking the plunge. No matter what the difficulty or perceived problems. 

 

My being courageous has paid handsome dividends. It not only allowed me to only be successful, but also to face the world with a new found confidence. 

 

As for the song? I love it to pieces and play it all the time. 

 

While I am no longer that frightened young kid, the song reminds me of where I came from and keeps me grounded. 

 

Today, it also serves another purpose… to prevent me from losing my edge and to continue to take that first step and push myself. 

 

And so I must thank Adam Duritz and Counting Crows for “Rain King.” 

 

After all the dreaming, I have come home again.