I need to write this (about a dead kitten)

I need to write this.

There are these two kittens (I’d say maybe a couple of months old) I picked up the other day. They were getting picked on by the neighborhood cats (the owner changed addresses but left all her pet cats). As in savagely attacked by the older cats.

So I let them stay in my garage as protection. Now you all know I have a huge dog who is fiercely protective of me and my home. Anyone not part of the fam, she distrusts. Now she knew there were kittens in the garage and she wanted to get at them which of course I didn’t allow.

Then this morning, someone opened the door and my dog was able to get into the garage. The kittens were shocked. One scrambled under the car but the other ran towards me. Unfortunately, I was outside the gate as I was headed for my dad’s house (which is next door) and couldn’t get into the yard in time. My dog tore into the kitten and I could see its guts flying every which way as my dog broke its bones.

By the time we got my dog off, the kitten was dying. It fell right in front of me and was looking at me with its life ebbing away. All I could do was apologize. I tried to save it from the neighborhood cats and dogs, from getting run over, from the rain. I didn’t realize it would die from my own dog and in my own garage.

The other kitten has been so traumatized that it stays atop the wheel of the Starex or the Vios. She drank a little milk but for the most part has kept quiet.

Now, I feel bad. And I am suddenly having flashbacks from something I saw when I was in college and ghostwriting about crime stuff (the police beat). I witnessed someone salvaged and that has never left me even up to today. Every now and then, I still see the man’s eyes change when he knew he was going to die. And looking at the kitten, it’s close.

I’ve been ill the past few days and this makes me feel even worse.